Thank you Frank! Exactly...that the benefit and reward of inner child work, I think. Being able to allow your adult self to reframe the trauma your little self experienced. And I think that for many people, myself included, letting go of that rage and resentment can feel like a betrayal because those emotions have served us for years. It's only been in the last year that I have learned and benefitted from the practice of letting go! Thank you for your comment and for your upgrade! Cheers mate!
Sounds like I was brought up, how my mom always had something critical to say and never that I was doing well - despite getting As and Bs in school, it was not enough. I was never good enough - whether it was academically, or how I looked, or how I acted. Now realize that she was projecting on me her own insecurities due to the lack of control she had in her life.
Now also realize that the only reason my mom probably got married and had me was because it was expected of her, of her generation. Widowed when I was 5, I know life was not easy for her, but made every effort to NOT have a social life, to not connect with others and the only acceptable social contact for her was attending church and doing church work. She was stuck doing clerical work all her life, like many women of her generation, because she was told that was her only worth, unless she was a stay at home mom, or worked in retail.
She never had kind words to say about anyone in our neighborhood and many family members - Yes, Lori, she always had critical words to say about your grandmother, your mom and the other members of the family, never anything that showed compassion or love. I think she shut those feelings off, along with many others including showing affection to her child, after my father died. I remember her blurting out once when I was a teenager that she needed to take me to see a psychiatrist - when I was being a normal angsy teenager, but really, now, I wish she had, as all of her trauma and pain would have been revealed as she was the one who should have been in therapy.
It never ceases to amaze me how much damage families do to their children. I have to also wrestle with how much damage I did to my own, especially because I was trying to do the exact opposite. It saddens me that our mothers and grandmothers did not grow up in a world where mental health was put at the forefront (and maybe it still isn't today, but it is much more out there than in previous generations!). I'm sorry for the things that both of us went through. I am glad that we both escaped the particular cycle of toxicity that exists in our particular family unit...no matter how long it took (for me). HUG!
beautiful and raw!
Thank you so much!
Looking forward to the rest.
Looking forward to the rest.
Thanks! Yeah…me too! This has been in me awhile!
I felt that. Me too. But you know. 8 year old Lori is not alone to deal with it today. She has older Lori to help her out.
Thank you Frank! Exactly...that the benefit and reward of inner child work, I think. Being able to allow your adult self to reframe the trauma your little self experienced. And I think that for many people, myself included, letting go of that rage and resentment can feel like a betrayal because those emotions have served us for years. It's only been in the last year that I have learned and benefitted from the practice of letting go! Thank you for your comment and for your upgrade! Cheers mate!
Sounds like I was brought up, how my mom always had something critical to say and never that I was doing well - despite getting As and Bs in school, it was not enough. I was never good enough - whether it was academically, or how I looked, or how I acted. Now realize that she was projecting on me her own insecurities due to the lack of control she had in her life.
Now also realize that the only reason my mom probably got married and had me was because it was expected of her, of her generation. Widowed when I was 5, I know life was not easy for her, but made every effort to NOT have a social life, to not connect with others and the only acceptable social contact for her was attending church and doing church work. She was stuck doing clerical work all her life, like many women of her generation, because she was told that was her only worth, unless she was a stay at home mom, or worked in retail.
She never had kind words to say about anyone in our neighborhood and many family members - Yes, Lori, she always had critical words to say about your grandmother, your mom and the other members of the family, never anything that showed compassion or love. I think she shut those feelings off, along with many others including showing affection to her child, after my father died. I remember her blurting out once when I was a teenager that she needed to take me to see a psychiatrist - when I was being a normal angsy teenager, but really, now, I wish she had, as all of her trauma and pain would have been revealed as she was the one who should have been in therapy.
It never ceases to amaze me how much damage families do to their children. I have to also wrestle with how much damage I did to my own, especially because I was trying to do the exact opposite. It saddens me that our mothers and grandmothers did not grow up in a world where mental health was put at the forefront (and maybe it still isn't today, but it is much more out there than in previous generations!). I'm sorry for the things that both of us went through. I am glad that we both escaped the particular cycle of toxicity that exists in our particular family unit...no matter how long it took (for me). HUG!